Finding Normal
by greyhorizon
Summary: Set Post Ep 2x13, and over course of Ep 2x14 (slightly off canon for last chapter). Felicity tries to come to terms with the Oliver/Sara relationship. This was the first fanfic I wrote (about a month ago), after a decade or two away from writing fiction. It's pretty rusty (don't poke it or you'll get tetanus) but it's got Dig, so instant absolution I say.
1. Chapter 1: Post-Lunge

**I actually really like this episode, but I've always been a bit fascinated with Felicity's state over 2x14, and dear Oliver's obliviousness/headuphisassedness (it's a word, I promise) never really rang true to me. So this is just what came out. I call it 'episode therapy'.**

**- Grey**

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 1 - Post-Lunge<p>

Felicity took a breath and stepped out of the amber elevator. Tall, red heels, classic black and white polka-dot blouse, pencil skirt with a swish at the tail. 'Just be normal,' she mantra'ed to herself, and walked towards her desk at QC, stride steady, ponytail swinging.

She glanced towards Oliver's desk as she passed, noting the darkness of his office and absence of his presence.

A relieved breath whooshed out of her. 'Thank fuck,' she muttered, placing her vivid yellow handbag down on her desk, collapsing into her chair and firing up her computer.

She didn't know how she was going to do this. She didn't know how she was supposed to school her features and pretend everything was normal around him, or whatever constituted 'normal' for them.

She closed her eyes against the flashes of seeing them together in the foundry, naked, enveloped in each other. Oblivious. Oblivious to the sound of the door code, of her panda flats hitting each rung down the stairs as she made her way down to the foundry last night to check on him. Thinking her might need her. Might need someone to talk to.

'Hah,' she scoffed at herself, snapping open her eyes and refocusing on her surrounds at QC. 'You're such an idiot, Felicity Smoak.'

Her insecurities washed over her like a wave, dredging up feelings from her youth, her teenage years. When she had been invisible to those around her; not enough in the eyes of her flamboyant mother; nothing in the eyes of her father, who had left her.

And Oliver, who she thought had seen her yesterday when he'd gently taken hold of both her arms and told her she would never lose him. She had opened up to him, laid her fears bare, and then bravely, broken his heart as she told him of his sister, and his mother's lies.

She dropped into her chair and tiredly hung her head in her hands, her elbows propped on her desk in front her. The emotional roller-coaster of the last few days took hold.

After she had worked out Moira's secret, Felicity decided to confront her at the Queen mansion. To give her the opportunity, at least, to try to make things right with her family.

A surprising exchange had ensued. There had been a strange honesty to their conversation, as if they had both recognised each other at a deeper level. Of course, Moira had immediately turned it to see how she could gain the upper hand, honing in on Felicity's feelings for Oliver, and trying to skewer her with them. It had sent Felicity into a tailspin - not about whether to tell Oliver the truth - she knew she would qhave to, but about how he would react, what it would mean for them.

He didn't seem to have lain blame on her when she had finally told him the truth, but after the rally, he had quickly disappeared. To hood up? Deal with the pain? Tell Thea? - Felicity didn't know.

Her late night visit to the foundry had been an impulse when she couldn't get to sleep. She wanted to check on him, make sure he was alright. She hadn't been expecting him and Sara.

Fiery pain had shot through her as she stood, stock still, on the metal steps. Her belly burned and she had swallowed down against the lump in her throat. Blinking rapidly, she had turned quietly and stepped as carefully as she could, back up the stairs, slinking out the door and praying not to have been seen.

'I am such an idiot', she had thought, as she walked stiffly back to her car in the Verdant lot, walking around a group of drunken partygoers. Of course he was with Sara. Sara was gorgeous and strong and magnificent, and matched him in every way. They were warriors, and friends, and had a history that no one else could even begin to understand. They made sense.

Her and Oliver - they didn't make sense. Hell, except when he was giving her orders or acting to protect her ('because she couldn't protect herself', her mind whispered), he barely paid her any heed lately. She was just Felicity - always there, talking a mile a minute, doing whatever he asked of her.

She opened the door to her red mini, and slid into the driver's seat. Blinking back tears, she took a shaky breath and turned the steering wheel towards the exit. She drove off slowly, heading back to her apartment.


	2. Chapter 2: Pre-Scar

CHAPTER 2: Pre-Scar

So she made it through the day.

Oliver had come into the QC offices half an hour after she arrived, and had thrown a distracted, 'Morning', her way as he strode into his office.

Okay, so he hadn't seen her last night at the foundry. Something to be thankful for, she thought.

Fortunately he had back-to-back meetings scheduled, so she wouldn't have to spend too much time with him. She would need to say something about yesterday though, the rally, the news about Thea. She still needed to know how he was doing.

Steeling herself, she pushed back her chair and walked across to his doorway.

'Oliver?'

He looked up from his meeting papers and focused on her.

'Hey, what's up?' he enquired with raised brows.

Felicity took a step forward, into his office. She picked nervously at her coated, purple nails.

'About yesterday, I...just wanted to see if you were okay. With your mother and-'

'Felicity.' He stopped her with the word. He looked around, gathering his thoughts and sighed. Turning back to her, he caught her eyes.

'I know you feel bad about yesterday, but...thank you. I needed to know. I needed to know who my mother is. So I can protect Thea from her, and from knowing who her father was.'

Felicity stilled, her brow furrowed. 'Oliver, I think you should tell Thea. She has a right to know.'

'Felicity, no. I won't do that to her.'

'You think you can protect her from this? Oliver, it's not protecting her. What if she finds out some other way? It's best that it comes from you, so you can be there for her.'

'Felicity!' he bit out. She jumped. 'I'm not telling her!'

Swallowing tightly, she nodded her head, nails cutting into the palms of her clenched hands.

'Felici-..' Oliver called after her, his shoulders slumping unseen as she walked away from him. She grabbed some folders from her desk, and headed towards the elevators, to be anywhere but near him.

She had come down into the foundry when the sticks were just yellow blurs - Oliver, Dig and Sara engaged in a fierce and beautiful choreography of technique and fight experience.

She had come down to try to find normal again, to sit at her computers and fall into a zone of searching and helping, her place in the team.

With the sparring session moving across the floor, Felicity skittered along the sidelines, trying to keep out of the way. The action ceased abruptly when Dig accidentally hit Sara across the temple.

A scar-appreciation society ensued, and Felicity felt like a fool when her attempt to join in with this new team dynamic was received with, 'You're still cute', and indulgent smiles.

Dig observed her reaction and wandered across to her with his stick, recognising something was wrong.

He switched to watchful. His mouth narrowed to a tense line as he took in the play in the foundry. His gaze hardened when he looked at Oliver flirting with Sara, kissing her. He saw shades of the selfish kid Oliver used to be, a person Dig was glad he had never really met.

Dig sharply looked to Felicity, and his heart broke a little at her face as she watched the two of them together. She turned and headed to her computers, sitting down and hunching in her chair, trying to take up as little room as possible.

His anger sparked. This was her place, her team, and she was uncomfortable in it. He looked back towards Oliver and Sara murmuring closely together, oblivious, and he knew that he and Oliver would be having words.


	3. Chapter 3: Post-Aspirin

CHAPTER 3: Post-Aspirin

Coffee. Dig was a godsend. Leaning against her front doorway, he had come to visit her the morning after her encounter with the Clock King, bearing two tall, extra strength lattes.

He followed her to the kitchen and perched on a stool across from her at the kitchen bench, cradling his coffee in his hand.

'Are you alright?' he asked in a gentle tone. Raised eyebrow. Kind eyes.

'Hmmn...yeah,' she nodded her head, lips pressed together, expression slightly pained.

'Not about the shoulder, Felicity. About Oliver.'

'John...' she breathed. 'Don't...I can't...'

She looked into his eyes, squarely, and made a decision.

'I'm in love with him, John.'

The simplest statement in the world. And her ruin, she knew, if she let it. Loving a man who would never see her, never love her back.

Dig looked back at her with understanding, and waited.

'From the moment we met,' she said in a clipped, self deprecating tone.

Shaking her head at herself, 'Although I didn't know it for sure at the time..'. She stopped, 'Yeah, no, I knew it. God, what a cliche.'

She looked down at her half empty coffee cup and took a swig.

Looking back up, she smiled hopelessly at Dig and shrugged her shoulders.

'I just need to move past this, but I don't know how. I mean...I'm with him pretty much all the time, and I can't not...be there...but I just don't know what to do. He and Sara are staying together at the foundry, and it just doesn't feel like home anymore...not to mention there's not enough hospital-grade disinfectant in the world to clean down those mats,' she laughed halfheartedly at her attempt at humour.

Dig's gaze sharpened and she heard him inhale. He looked at her questioningly.

'Oh, I..kinda walked in on them...accidentally...um,' she cringed, as Dig let out a 'Fucking Oliver' under his breath.

'No Dig, its okay,' as she placed a placating hand on his sturdy arm.

'Felicity, it actually isn't.'

'I warned him about hurting you back when you first joined the team, and then he pulls this shit,' he muttered.

He doesn't tell her about the way he's watched Oliver fall for her over the past year.

Of the Oliver he'd met only weeks back from the island. A cunning, determined weapon hidden by a veil of false charm and pre-island persona.

But then Oliver met Felicity.

The way he had sought her out, gravitated towards her, and her light.

Dig had seen the excuses Oliver had made to keep her near, from passing her a syringe and a terrible lie, to pursuing her to join his crusade, to making her his EA against her wishes. And don't get him started on Oliver's reaction to Barry Allen coming into her life. His temper blew up when she was away from Starling City for no more than a few days. That shit was just textbook jealous fool.

He doesn't tell her about the look on Oliver's face, and the tension in his body, when he came back from dinner at the Lances the night before, and realised Felicity wasn't still there in the foundry fixing her computers. Her phone call had pulled Oliver back from the edge; he'd stiffened again when he deduced she was at the bank. In danger. Dig doesn't tell her how fearful Oliver had looked for a second, before the Arrow mask slipped on and he became something else, focused only on getting to her, making her safe.

He doesn't tell her about the shamed look on Oliver's face after Dig had pulled him aside when they got back to the foundry. Sara had started clean Felicity's wounded shoulder, and the two men had turned away. Dig had told Oliver that Felicity was feeling left out, and Oliver needed to pay his actions a bit more mind, especially after her worrying about her role in what went down with his mother.

'We are lucky to have her Oliver; don't ever take her for granted. She's what holds this team together.' Oliver had nodded, face stricken, and simply said, 'Thank you Dig.'

He doesn't tell her any of this because he knows Oliver isn't ready. He may never be the man Felicity deserves, and Dig doesn't want her to wait around for this flawed, heroic man, who may not be able to fix what's broken inside of him. He'd seen it enough with his brothers-in-arms in his special forces days - some made it through and found their peace, some didn't.

'Dig, it's okay.'

Felicity's sad voice pulled him back to the present. To the morning sun cutting across her kitchen counter, and the faint sounds of a neighbour closing a door down the apartment block hallway.

She tilted her head and smiled at him, a small smile.

'You're a really good friend, do you know that?' she said. 'I guess I just needed to talk to someone about this...so it's not all just in my head, you know...and let's face it, you've got the best shoulders around. Leaning-on wise.'

'Don't you know it,' Dig chuckled, with a wink.

Felicity's smile grew. She stood up and smoothed down her cobalt blue dress, Dig following behind as they walked to her front door.

She grabbed her bag and keys, straightened her shoulders and reached for the handle of the door.

'Enough, enough now,' she calmed herself. 'I can do this, be normal around Oliver, move on, be okay.'

She felt a weight lift from her stomach, drew a deep breath, and her mind settled.

'Hell, maybe I'll even take some time off and go for a holiday to Aruba, once we find the man in the skull mask and things quieten down a bit,' she tossed over her shoulder to Dig.

She opened the door to find Oliver looking down at her in slight surprise, hand raised to knock. His brow unfurled and he gave her a tender smile.

'Hi', he said, using his gentle 'Felicity' voice. 'I just wanted to check in to see how you were doing. And, you know, say sorry for yesterday.'

Felicity looked up at him - at this strong, tortured, caring, driven, sometimes-idiot of a man standing in front of her - and let out her breath.

She was fucked. Normal wasn't coming home anytime soon.


End file.
